Having lived in a foreign country for the past 7 years, re-culture shock has been one of the hardest things to deal with. There are quite a few things that I miss about my foreign home. One is the ability to be completely surrounded by people and having my friends be in close proximity. In fact, I think this has been the most difficult problem I have faced since coming back to the US.
I made some of the best friends of my life over in South Korea. Who would have thought that by leaving my home country I would end up making friends from all over the world! To me, Korea can be like a hub of sorts. It is a very transitional place. You have a community of ex-pats, myself included, who have all come from abroad to either study, work and make money, or just start life anew. Goodbyes were not easy either. It seemed like at the end of every year I would have to say goodbye to dear friends. However, God always seemed to bring a fresh new batch of friends for me to get to know. I do not ever want to use the word "replace" because none of my pals could ever be "replaced."
I had the opportunity to grow with these individuals, and by doing so I got to see a whole other side of myself and what makes a relationship. I admit that I could be a very selfish and proud person. I like to get my way. We all have our faults. It just felt like I grew into an adult of sorts while abroad. When I went over there my first year I was a mess. I had just graduated college and was searching for adventure. Once I was out on my own, I went hog-wild. I discovered a type of freedom I never had while in university. This freedom led to some things that need not be disclosed so publicly on a blog, but suffice it to say I managed to open Pandora's box. And like dear Pandora, once the box is open it can't be closed. I'll save those stories for a more private blog.
Despite opening the ill-fated box, God had directed me to many people and places of comfort. One such place was Seoul International Baptist Church. It was here that I met some very dear friends who awoke within me the ability to express myself through music and writing. They also helped me to communicate and define and relate to the God who cannot be defined accurately save through the word "love." To say that I miss this church and its community of believers would be an understatement. I have not found a place like it since. But it takes time, and I think God has some things He wants to work out with me on a more individual basis. I am just a stubborn learner.
God has orchestrated such a wondrous song within my heart. I wish I could define what that is and how it works so that others can experience what I have inside me. But that isn't how He works. He works with us on an individual basis because we are all such unique creatures. This was yet another lesson that I learned while in Korea. There are seasons that we all have to go through in life. I went through many a season overseas. I feel as though right now I am in between the winter and spring season of my life. It is such a difficult time because I do indeed want to grow and produce fruit that will last, but the winter snows have yet to melt from my heart. The sky of my soul is still dark and overcast with the winter clouds. But I know that in my heart, the sun is just behind those clouds and a new day will come once this season has passed.
I have many ideals and goals for the future. One such goal is to join the US Army. I have many secret desires about wanting to join. I am hoping that it will lead me back to Korea and some of the friends still left there. And another reason is because I want to help people. I know that in the Army there are dark seasons that the soldiers work through. Sometimes it gets so dark for them that the only way they can ease their suffering is to end their lives completely. I want to help east that pain by being there for them. I want to show them that life is worth living and with the passing of time, the seasons will change and spring will come again one day. And yes, I want to grow with them and go through what they go through. I want them to see life and embrace it as the gift that it truly is.
I wrote this blog for a very special person. Someone who encourages me from afar. She is a great writer and she wants to create for God and be obedient to Him. She was over in Korea for a long time and had to readjust to life in the US just as I am currently trying to do. So the message for both of us I think is as follows: God sees what we are doing. He sees us trying, failing, trying again, failing again. But our constant struggle to get back up, brush ourselves off and try, try again because we know there is something better waiting for us, He sees all of that and loves us all the more for it. I have not quite grasped the whole letting Him take control aspect of my life, but as all things in life, it just takes time.
In the immortal words of Dory (sorry, EG) the fish from "Finding Nemo," "just keep swimming, swimming, swimming."
Monday, February 28, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
I was in love once...
I had the opportunity to meet a really wonderful person last night. I say wonderful because of his transparency and willingness to share with someone he had just met for the first time. Our topic of conversation was on falling in love.
I asked him about what it was like for him when he fell in love and how it felt. For you see, the last time I was in love was when I was 21 years old. The girl I fell for had it all going for her. She was perfect in every way. Her personality and mine just meshed really well. We both had our heads up in the clouds. I even got to meet her parents.
Every time that she sent me a letter or a card I would literally jump in the air and be all ecstatic for the remainder of the day. My roommates at the time would be amazed at my ability to scale such heights because I would jump from one piece of furniture to the next. I had butterflies in my stomach and it was beyond amazing. To think that there was someone under the same moon as I that felt towards me the same way that I felt about her was just beyond imagination.
Sadly, we both realized that we were both too young and had a lot of growing up to do. I am happy to say she is chasing her dreams and becoming a singing sensation as her talent is incredible. As for me, I chased other venues. But please allow me to address the feelings and sensations announced by my friend as of late.
When it came to being in love, he told me of how he and his lover moved in with one another and how they met. It was likened to a romantic fairy tale. He spoke of how he would relish the time when he would arrive home from work and be with his loved one. The feelings and emotions he spoke of awakened feelings of deep yearning within me.
What really got to me was the photo album that he pulled out for me to look at. There were so many memories contained within it's confines. Just listening to him made me jealous and created a longing within me for a love like his. So what is it that causes walls to come up between me and falling in love?
There is this feeling of guilt that wells up within me whenever I get too close to another individual. I always seem to nitpick at another person's character. But as the old saying goes, whenever one points a finger towards another individual there are always four pointing back at one's self. I see myself doing that all the time. I always seem to find fault in others when truth be told, the fault can only be found within me.
I think the words that rang true the most with my new friend were those that encompassed how he felt when he was with his lover. He spoke of feelings of mutual recognition and hoping for the other's well-being and growth.
I think that true love is expressed in hope for the other person's welfare and future endeavors. It all goes back to those biblical values spoken of in 1 Corinthians 13, the chapter of love. Love is patient and kind, it is not rude or envious. It always hopes for the best in the person that it is directed towards. I want that type of love.
I asked him about what it was like for him when he fell in love and how it felt. For you see, the last time I was in love was when I was 21 years old. The girl I fell for had it all going for her. She was perfect in every way. Her personality and mine just meshed really well. We both had our heads up in the clouds. I even got to meet her parents.
Every time that she sent me a letter or a card I would literally jump in the air and be all ecstatic for the remainder of the day. My roommates at the time would be amazed at my ability to scale such heights because I would jump from one piece of furniture to the next. I had butterflies in my stomach and it was beyond amazing. To think that there was someone under the same moon as I that felt towards me the same way that I felt about her was just beyond imagination.
Sadly, we both realized that we were both too young and had a lot of growing up to do. I am happy to say she is chasing her dreams and becoming a singing sensation as her talent is incredible. As for me, I chased other venues. But please allow me to address the feelings and sensations announced by my friend as of late.
When it came to being in love, he told me of how he and his lover moved in with one another and how they met. It was likened to a romantic fairy tale. He spoke of how he would relish the time when he would arrive home from work and be with his loved one. The feelings and emotions he spoke of awakened feelings of deep yearning within me.
What really got to me was the photo album that he pulled out for me to look at. There were so many memories contained within it's confines. Just listening to him made me jealous and created a longing within me for a love like his. So what is it that causes walls to come up between me and falling in love?
There is this feeling of guilt that wells up within me whenever I get too close to another individual. I always seem to nitpick at another person's character. But as the old saying goes, whenever one points a finger towards another individual there are always four pointing back at one's self. I see myself doing that all the time. I always seem to find fault in others when truth be told, the fault can only be found within me.
I think the words that rang true the most with my new friend were those that encompassed how he felt when he was with his lover. He spoke of feelings of mutual recognition and hoping for the other's well-being and growth.
I think that true love is expressed in hope for the other person's welfare and future endeavors. It all goes back to those biblical values spoken of in 1 Corinthians 13, the chapter of love. Love is patient and kind, it is not rude or envious. It always hopes for the best in the person that it is directed towards. I want that type of love.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Korea vs. America
I recently received an e-mail from a friend of mine that I met in Korea. She is an American living in Arizona as of this writing. She moved to Arizona after doing a mission stint in South Korea for about 3 years where she and her husband worked with a wonderful little church. I doubt she will ever realize the impact she has had on so many grateful people due to her generous and loving demeanor. I will certainly treasure her wisdom and encouragement long into the future.
Reminiscing over her e-mail, it came to me that there are a lot of things that I miss about Korea and the relationships I created while over there. I am pretty sure I met some of the best friends of my life while working over there for total of 7 years. That's right, 7 amazing years.
I will never forget the events that led up to my taking off for the foreign land of South Korea. I had just graduated college and had started work as a host for a restaurant in Blacksburg, VA. This was just after I had gotten over the worst of the kissing disease, mono. I was "lucky" enough to contract this wonderful sickness during final exams. I have no clue why they call it the kissing disease. I sure didn't get it that romantically. But that's beside the point.
Anyway, one of my friends at the time had told me that she was going to teach overseas and she had contacted a recruiter in Vancouver, Canada. She knew that I had always had a dream of wanting to work in Japan and said they might have openings over there and to check with the recruiter. So I sent them an e-mail and my resume and not more than 2 weeks later, they got back with me and asked me when I could start. To say I was floored, would have been an understatement. First of all, they said they didn't have any openings in Japan but would I like to teach in Taiwan or South Korea. I thought it over for all of 2 minutes and said South Korea was the place for me. I packed my bags, got in the car, and went back to Illinois and then Minnesota (where my sister and her family lives) and was on a plane in a matter of a month to a new world. Well I suppose it is in the old world, because technically I live in the new world (according to Christopher Columbus, bless his heart).
Let's rewind to the friend that got me all interested in the whole Korea affair. Rather than go with me, she up and decides to join the Army so she can become a paralegal. What am I doing today? Trying to get into the Army. Does life ever cease to amaze?
So there I was, on the plane to South Korea, not knowing what to expect save that one of my dear friends who is of White and Korean heritage, tells me the name for dog-meat in Korean so if by chance it should be on my pizza I can politely decline. Let me tell ya, they do not even put dog-meat on pizza over there. Corn and potatoes, yes, but not dog-meat. And another thing, they don't give you marinara sauce with your pizza either. They give you pickles. Blasted pickles, I hate pickles. I think they are the worst food man has ever concocted. Oh and here's another story. They don't tip in Korea either. The first time I ordered pizza over there the pizza boy comes to the door and I am standing there with more money to give him because I am of the habit that you are supposed to tip. So the poor guy won't take my money so there I am running after him in my pajamas and bare feet trying to make him take my money. I think I scarred him for life.
There were lots of fun moments like the pizza boy incident which occurred during my long stay overseas. Learning about a new culture and food can be loads of fun. I remember sitting around a table in a restaurant, on the floor no less, and I got my first taste of what is known as ta-galbi. It's pretty much spicy chicken that at the time would put hair on the hair of your chest. To say that my mouth was on fire would be to not give the situation the justice it deserves. And to provide myself as an example of the following statement also deserves mention: if it burns going in it sure as hell will burn coming out. Toilets in Korea are also a wonderful experience, to be sure. And always be sure to bring tissue with you. They can usually tell who the foreigner is when you are yelling, in English, that you are in need of assistance cause the roll is empty in the stall. Those empty rolls I am convinced are for decorating purposes only. Either that or to tease the dumb foreigners who don't remember to bring toilet paper with them. The good thing is it only takes one time to learn this valuable lesson.
I gained many tools for life while in Korea. I can now eat spicy food that would peel paint off the wall. I can also scare vampires due to my new found love of all things garlic. My hips are much stronger now due to discovering the muscles in my legs that enable one to squat over a toilet that is no more than a urinal. Which happens to be embedded in the floor rather than on the wall. (Note to others: it pays to take off one's pants so as to reduce splashes from happy little "plops" in the squatty-potty.) I have friends who have not quite managed to master this useful skill and have the skid marks to prove it...okay so maybe that was a bit too much information. But you get the gist of it.
There are many more stories that I could tell of my time in Korea but I will save them for another time. And I do indeed miss my life there and the antics that entail. A truly unforgettable experience.
Reminiscing over her e-mail, it came to me that there are a lot of things that I miss about Korea and the relationships I created while over there. I am pretty sure I met some of the best friends of my life while working over there for total of 7 years. That's right, 7 amazing years.
I will never forget the events that led up to my taking off for the foreign land of South Korea. I had just graduated college and had started work as a host for a restaurant in Blacksburg, VA. This was just after I had gotten over the worst of the kissing disease, mono. I was "lucky" enough to contract this wonderful sickness during final exams. I have no clue why they call it the kissing disease. I sure didn't get it that romantically. But that's beside the point.
Anyway, one of my friends at the time had told me that she was going to teach overseas and she had contacted a recruiter in Vancouver, Canada. She knew that I had always had a dream of wanting to work in Japan and said they might have openings over there and to check with the recruiter. So I sent them an e-mail and my resume and not more than 2 weeks later, they got back with me and asked me when I could start. To say I was floored, would have been an understatement. First of all, they said they didn't have any openings in Japan but would I like to teach in Taiwan or South Korea. I thought it over for all of 2 minutes and said South Korea was the place for me. I packed my bags, got in the car, and went back to Illinois and then Minnesota (where my sister and her family lives) and was on a plane in a matter of a month to a new world. Well I suppose it is in the old world, because technically I live in the new world (according to Christopher Columbus, bless his heart).
Let's rewind to the friend that got me all interested in the whole Korea affair. Rather than go with me, she up and decides to join the Army so she can become a paralegal. What am I doing today? Trying to get into the Army. Does life ever cease to amaze?
So there I was, on the plane to South Korea, not knowing what to expect save that one of my dear friends who is of White and Korean heritage, tells me the name for dog-meat in Korean so if by chance it should be on my pizza I can politely decline. Let me tell ya, they do not even put dog-meat on pizza over there. Corn and potatoes, yes, but not dog-meat. And another thing, they don't give you marinara sauce with your pizza either. They give you pickles. Blasted pickles, I hate pickles. I think they are the worst food man has ever concocted. Oh and here's another story. They don't tip in Korea either. The first time I ordered pizza over there the pizza boy comes to the door and I am standing there with more money to give him because I am of the habit that you are supposed to tip. So the poor guy won't take my money so there I am running after him in my pajamas and bare feet trying to make him take my money. I think I scarred him for life.
There were lots of fun moments like the pizza boy incident which occurred during my long stay overseas. Learning about a new culture and food can be loads of fun. I remember sitting around a table in a restaurant, on the floor no less, and I got my first taste of what is known as ta-galbi. It's pretty much spicy chicken that at the time would put hair on the hair of your chest. To say that my mouth was on fire would be to not give the situation the justice it deserves. And to provide myself as an example of the following statement also deserves mention: if it burns going in it sure as hell will burn coming out. Toilets in Korea are also a wonderful experience, to be sure. And always be sure to bring tissue with you. They can usually tell who the foreigner is when you are yelling, in English, that you are in need of assistance cause the roll is empty in the stall. Those empty rolls I am convinced are for decorating purposes only. Either that or to tease the dumb foreigners who don't remember to bring toilet paper with them. The good thing is it only takes one time to learn this valuable lesson.
I gained many tools for life while in Korea. I can now eat spicy food that would peel paint off the wall. I can also scare vampires due to my new found love of all things garlic. My hips are much stronger now due to discovering the muscles in my legs that enable one to squat over a toilet that is no more than a urinal. Which happens to be embedded in the floor rather than on the wall. (Note to others: it pays to take off one's pants so as to reduce splashes from happy little "plops" in the squatty-potty.) I have friends who have not quite managed to master this useful skill and have the skid marks to prove it...okay so maybe that was a bit too much information. But you get the gist of it.
There are many more stories that I could tell of my time in Korea but I will save them for another time. And I do indeed miss my life there and the antics that entail. A truly unforgettable experience.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Revolutionary Boy
Revolutionary Boy is a loaded title. But it has so much power and background because it not only describes my character but also my goals and aspects, my very dreams.
A long time ago I was introduced to a very powerful fictional character from a series of manga (Japanese comics) that spoke volumes to my heart. It was called, "Revolutionary Girl Utena." It's a story about a girl who has a tragic past. Her parents had died in a car accident and she was left with her aunt. She was so depressed as a very young girl that as she was walking past a river, filled with such grief, she threw herself in the water hoping to drown herself and end the pain. A charming man saw the whole thing and jumped in after her. He brushed her hair out of her eyes and gave her a ring. He said that one day this ring would lead her to him.
So enamored by the "prince" she vowed to one day become a prince herself because she no longer wanted to be the damsel in distress. She wanted to find her own princess and do the saving. And that is exactly what she did. The ring eventually led her to the man that saved her so long ago, but during the entire process of going to a prestigious academy and fighting countless sword duels, she grew up and became a stronger individual and saw the prince for who he really was.She may have fought tooth and nail to meet her savior but over the course of the story she realized that she was the prince that she had been searching so hard to find.
There is a lot more to the story than what I have stated, but the point is she revolutionized her world and grew into a powerful warrior who influenced so many people. Her influence carried on to those she left behind when she chose to grow up and take her life by the reigns.
I have always wanted to be a prince. Not with loads of money and a huge castle, but I want to be a warrior who saves the princess, whomever she or he may be, it makes no difference. The point is, that no matter how tough the obstacle, there is always a way to overcome it. There are always adventures to be had and princesses who need to be saved. I want to rise up to those occasions and meet the opposition head on so that I, too may become a Revolutionary Prince.
A long time ago I was introduced to a very powerful fictional character from a series of manga (Japanese comics) that spoke volumes to my heart. It was called, "Revolutionary Girl Utena." It's a story about a girl who has a tragic past. Her parents had died in a car accident and she was left with her aunt. She was so depressed as a very young girl that as she was walking past a river, filled with such grief, she threw herself in the water hoping to drown herself and end the pain. A charming man saw the whole thing and jumped in after her. He brushed her hair out of her eyes and gave her a ring. He said that one day this ring would lead her to him.
So enamored by the "prince" she vowed to one day become a prince herself because she no longer wanted to be the damsel in distress. She wanted to find her own princess and do the saving. And that is exactly what she did. The ring eventually led her to the man that saved her so long ago, but during the entire process of going to a prestigious academy and fighting countless sword duels, she grew up and became a stronger individual and saw the prince for who he really was.She may have fought tooth and nail to meet her savior but over the course of the story she realized that she was the prince that she had been searching so hard to find.
There is a lot more to the story than what I have stated, but the point is she revolutionized her world and grew into a powerful warrior who influenced so many people. Her influence carried on to those she left behind when she chose to grow up and take her life by the reigns.
I have always wanted to be a prince. Not with loads of money and a huge castle, but I want to be a warrior who saves the princess, whomever she or he may be, it makes no difference. The point is, that no matter how tough the obstacle, there is always a way to overcome it. There are always adventures to be had and princesses who need to be saved. I want to rise up to those occasions and meet the opposition head on so that I, too may become a Revolutionary Prince.
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