The Ebb and Flow of a Life Ruled By "Me"

This is going to seem like an attack, but bear with me, it is not intended as such. This post is not focused on anyone in particular yet it applies to everyone. If you hear anything of value from me, let it be the contents of this post. If you would rather go on your merry way, the internet is full of other sites to pass the time. But the topic for this entry may shed some light on a life lived with the individual at the center, rather than the One who is supposed to be.

Pride is a deceptive calling, for pride is self-centered. When one has pride in their job, the focus is on the individual's accomplishments. When one has pride in helping others, the focus is still on the individual because even though the individual is trying to portray a self-less image, that individual is getting something out of the deal. It could be something along the lines of a happy inward feeling, but the motive is still the same. When I do something for someone else, expecting to get something in return, it is pride and selfishness that spurs me towards completing the task at hand. Let me try to drive this point home before getting to the bigger picture.

I was recently labeled with being selfish. And when I was given this label, it cut straight to the core. Because I tossed and turned over this audacious statement for weeks. I churned in my head and counted the ways in which the person who said this about me had no right to even utter those words to me. I was furious. I rattled off in my head and to others how I had gone out of my way to be as unselfish as I could to make life easier for those around me. All the tasks I had completed to aid those in need, the manual labor I had undertaken, areas where I had gone out of my way to show my appreciation for services rendered to me, and someone has the audacity to say I am selfish?! Needless to say numerous expletives came to mind over the course of this one-sided conversation. It was only by the grace of God that I didn't blow up and start kicking ass and then taking names. And oh how I wanted revenge! To list the number of ways that I had gone above and beyond the call of duty, but what good would it do. The messenger was right, in a way.

A point was proven. I was and am to this day, selfish. And that needs to change. Whenever I do something for someone else and I create an internal check-list of all the wonderful things I do to make life easier for others so I can use it against them later on or to prove that I am the next best thing since sliced bread, I am being prideful. Whenever I want others to see me and acknowledge me for all that I do, that is pride. And whenever I do things for others and feel that I have to justify myself by listing all the things I have done, that is the epitome of a life lived for self.

What is the opposite of a life lived with "me" as the focal point? One word: JESUS. Whenever Jesus did something for someone else, He did it for His Father. His focus was always on the greater good. To bring balance back into the world. Jesus was not self-centered. He was God-centered, Father-centered if you will. He derived joy from watching and doing what His heavenly father did. He never kept a list of all that He had done because His motives were pure and His character was self-less. He walked with authority in this life because He knew what had to be done and He knew where true satisfaction laid. Yes, He had to endure hardship from others constantly questioning His character and his actions. To this day people still question and berate Him. But there was no pride in Him. His good deeds were done out of love for others, not looking good in others' eyes.

I have a long way to go in order to even remotely achieve this type of living. But the alternative is eternal torment, and it doesn't start after death. Have you ever met someone who is tormented? I am not talking about someone that is demon possessed, but someone who lives life to please others and doesn't trust God even a little. There are so many teachings out there about how people need to focus on their center to find peace and how we are the instruments to finding true happiness. Seriously, are you kidding me? "Put your hands out to your side and quiet your brain. Release all thoughts of self-doubt and turmoil." "Do some funky body movements and you will experience release." Yeah, right. My idea of body release can clear a room. Trust me, I know. One fart out of me can strip the paint off the walls.

There is also the teaching that says by helping others we can find release because the focus is the needs of others rather than ourselves. Let me tell ya, you can be the most giving of people and meet all the needs you want but you will never find peace that way because there are always going to be orphans and needy people. And you can be a world peace operative and have lots of fancy titles next to your name and have people blowing sunshine up your ass constantly about all your good deeds, but you will never be satisfied. I say this because I have lived a life of trying to please others and it never fails, I always got worn out and discouraged because nothing I did was ever good enough. The reason is because my motives were impure.

When Jesus is at the center of one's life, everything else fades away. We wake up and see the world for what it really is, a fallen and cursed place where people blame each other for the hardships and trials that we face. Or worse, they blame God for all the disasters that are going on in the world at large. Never once do we take responsibility for ourselves and what we bring to this world. You want some hard truth? The best thing God ever gave us outside of His Son was free will. He won't live your life for you, won't make choices for you, in fact He will love you all the way to Hell. But it is not until we decide to say, "God, I am a sinner and I repent," that things will start to change. It is then that we can tap into that endless well of love and have Him join us in this journey of life and be presented with numerous options that will not only please Him but enable us to live a life worth living.

I have seen people where God is not a part of their life. They are miserable and don't know why. They may have the greatest of morals and intentions but here's the truth about good intentions: The road to Hell is paved with good intentions. But the road to Heaven is paved with humility. Hell starts here on earth. When we make ourselves the center of our world, we have already pushed God out and made our own graves. And the Lord Jesus is a true gentleman, He will not override the gift of free will that He has bestowed upon us.

And this will really put a bee in your bonnet, there is only one way to the Lord, and that is by accepting Jesus Christ as your one true love. There is only ONE WAY to the Father, but here's the thing, He makes it so easy. When I accepted Jesus into my life the whole world changed as did my perspective. I still suffer, I still make some of the same mistakes, but the difference is that I am more repentant and willing to own up to my mistakes and take responsibility. And to top it all off, I have a reason for my existence and a love that never fails.

Some of you may know the ins and outs of your Bibles. Some may even know how to use the Bible to argue why certain things don't apply today or to justify your sinfulness. And some of you may even tell yourselves that the Bible condones this or that and have convinced yourselves that if one part of the Bible seems to be a lie then it all must be a lie. I have heard it all but allow me to offer you a prayer that God will always answer. I will even do ya one better, I will give you several that He answers more often than not, quite immediately.

1. Lord reveal Yourself to me, show me that You exist.
2. Lord, please grant me discernment (the ability to see) as I read the Bible, or as people or ideas come across me. Show me what is from You and what is a lie.

(now the most dangerous prayers to pray, pray these at your own risk.)

3. Lord, teach me patience.
4. Lord, break me of my pride.

Don't say I didn't warn you. But allow me to touch on number 2. The Lord is faithful and just. He delights in revealing His word and His self to His creations. Discernment is key when dismantling a lie. You need to ask for discernment and you need to have faith in the outcome. I prayed for it and got it. Whenever I am presented with something that is spiritual, let's say it is someone using the Bible to justify a questionable act in their life, more often than not I can tell if it is a lie or not. The Holy Spirit will reveal the truth and will always bring light into the darkness.

Earth is a training ground for eternity. How you fare here will determine your place in eternity. If I live a life where I push God out of the driver's seat and take the reigns myself, Hell has a foothold in my existence. But if I truly confess Jesus as my savior and repent and allow Him reign in my being, then I am at heaven's door. Let me reiterate that this by no means makes life easier!! For surely it does not. But I guarantee that His yoke is easy and light, which means that He is there every single step of the way. He will present you with the best paths to take and the choices that will yield optimum satisfaction and grace. And here is some further knowledge, when we allow Him to orchestrate our lives and fill us by reading the Word and spending time with Him, He will fill our cups to overflowing. And it is through the overflow that others are blessed and pride is broken. Because it no longer becomes an issue of doing good deeds to please ourselves and to put checks on our checklists. It becomes an act of self-less service and love and that is when we know we are free from doing acts to earn a place in God's kingdom. Because He extended a free gift to all when He sent His son to die on a cross for our sins. Once you accept that, and I mean truly accept that, then life changes.

You don't just accept it and then go on your merry way with your "fire insurance." No way! It means you spend time getting to know Him and allow Him to move through you. You can still turn your back on God, and He will love you all the way to Hell. And that means He will never stop loving you. But, like any relationship, you have to keep at it. I say this because I have been there. I turn my back on God from time to time but He keeps pulling me back towards Him. And I am so grateful and humbled by His love in this regard.

The ebb and flow of a life ruled by "me" is one of constant turmoil,
But the ebb and flow of a life ruled be "He" is one of constant joy.

 

A Multitude of Musings

I have just a few days left till I am officially in the Army. Well scratch that, I am technically a member of the US Army but I have been on delayed departure due to my Basic Training not beginning till August 1st. This has been an incredible process and quite the journey, to be sure.

I have learned a lot along the way. And I could go into detail about some of the more insidious things that I have been educated on, but this is not the place for dirty little secrets. Instead I would like to focus on the fruit that the Lord has been patiently dealing with in my spirit. Unfortunately, as of this writing I have yet to manifest what could be deemed as sweet-tasting fruit. They are still a bit bitter and need to stay on the vine a while longer.

For those of you who may be a little confused, the Lord wants His people to bear fruit. These being the fruit of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, and faithfulness. I believe self-control falls in there somewhere and naturally, we (meaning me, myself, and I) are still working on that one.

I was going to say that patience is one that I will never acquire but the more I think about it, the more I have been seeing patience developing within my character. Not to toot my own horn, but I have been semi-patient throughout this entire process. The road to the military has been a path fraught with lessons in patience. There have been some let-downs along the way but in the end, the Lord has been faithful in dealing with me and my flaws. As many in my family will attest to, I have some rather irritating character defects. But I am pretty sure the majority of them will be ironed out in the Army. But I dare say there is no cure for orneriness. Being ornery goes to the core.

Back to the topic at hand. I came back to the US last August. I have been living with family since then, both in Illinois and here in Florida, where I enlisted in the Army. Originally I had tried to enter as an officer but that fell through in April. I will admit I was a bit devastated but God had other things in mind. And it was during this time He taught me a big lesson on trust. I actually heard an audible voice, a whisper if you will, right to my heart. NOT from my heart, because the heart itself is deceitful, but TO my heart. "You don't trust me, Jason, and you need to." That was the simplified version of the monologue. One of the few times I actually shut up long enough for the Lord to speak to me. He also insisted that I keep my mouth shut over the course of the next couple of days and let those around me do the speaking. So what does one do when the Lord tells one to keep a lid on it?

I kept a lid on it. So far so good. I am slowly trusting the Lord more and more. I will say that I am going about it at a snail's pace. I am a slow learner. And there have been a multitude of mistakes made along the way, since April in fact. I figure that once God gets my personal life in order, when I actually sign over my lease on my life, I will be in a lot better shape. Cause the world goes to pot when Jason is in control. That is another blog topic in and of itself. When God is in control vs. when Jason is in control.

When I did keep my mouth shut, the Lord orchestrated His desired plan and now I am going in the military as an enlisted soldier. I still want to be an officer someday but I guess I have to go about it in another way. God's plans are difficult sometimes, but true fulfillment and peace are the outcome whenever I do it His way.

Let me reiterate that I am a SLOW learner. I have a lot of growing to do. And God has a great deal of work left to do in my life so that I am able to grow the fruit that will be pleasing to Him as an offering. 9 times out of 10 I do the wrong thing and let my mouth and heart get the best of me. But God is faithful with that 1 time where I do the right thing and He has infinite patience. Lord knows I have tested that patience time and time again. I should have been struck down by holy lightning years ago. But His love is vast and all encompassing. I sure don't deserve it and neither do you. But He dishes out His love for all and there is so much truth behind this last statement," Ain't no one can do ya like the Lord can."