The Exodus out of sin...

..isn't as easy as it sounds.

I love how the Message Bible puts things into perspective with it's eloquent selection of words, especially in Exodus 14:14. "God will fight the battle for you. And you? You keep your mouths shut!" I am assuming that Moses was fed up with his people by this point due to their wee little faith and their massive complaining.

I learned a long time ago that complaining is a sin. When I complain about my current situation and fill the air with negative words about my situation, it basically comes across as me not being satisfied where God has placed me. I am here for a reason, I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

I had the opportunity to share my circumstances with a friend of mine and she understood where I was coming from and gave me a slew of verses. Exodus 14:14 was the first one I came to. I was like, "whoa, God is telling me to shut up and deal with it!"

It's confession time. I am having a hard time dealing with sin in my life right now. There is a stirring within me and it is not pretty. Because of my unsatisfaction and  impatience with where I am, the roots of my sin are acting up and causing the branches to sway in personally destructive ways. I find myself reflecting on the prophets and kings of old, "how long must I wait, Lord?" And His answer could be, "as long as it takes, Jason."

One would think that I would be taking advantage of this time of waiting by actively seeking ways to battle the sin within. But am I, certainly not. So that brings on a new set of questions to ponder. And with those same pondering thoughts come excuses. More often than not an excuse is used to justify sin. My mind can come up with a thousand excuses as to why I do what I do or why others do what they do. The best one yet is my theory that sin is genetic. That when sin came into the world, it affected everyone on the genetic level and that is why there are so many problems in the world.

Well there are problems in the world because rather than stand my ground and draw a line in the sand, I cross that line with hands in the air and make an excuse for my temporary fun. Then the regret sets in, repentance needs to happen, and I am back at ground zero wondering where my underwear is and why there is this strange mark on my neck...just kidding, about the underwear that is.

And there is God, shouting at me, saying, "Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God, above politics, above everything." Psalm 46:10. Psalm 46 as a whole is a great place to look for encouragement during times of stress. The traffic, at least how I translate it here, is a metaphor for the comings and goings of life. I get so caught up in the here and now that I seldom take the time necessary to contemplate the never-changing and fearless One who is responsible for my very being on this earth. He doesn't want me to suffer alone, yet He does allow suffering. He doesn't want me to go through these trials alone, yet He does allow them to come. Do you see a pattern here? The word, "alone." Suffering and trials cause me to grow and develop, so naturally I HAVE to go through them.

Today is a new day. Some parts of it may suck. Some parts of it may be boring. But rather than put a negative spin on it and curse it with my words and attitude, why not go into today with a positive outlook and eager expectation. Today is a new day, full of new adventures and opportunities, to not only serve God but to live a life worth living and experiencing.

I leave you with Psalm 103. Read it for yourself and see what you get out of it.

In the Waiting Room, still.

"Oh restless heart-beating against the prison bars of your circumstances and longing for a wider realm of usefulness-allow God to direct all your days. Patience and trust, even in the midst of the monotony of your daily routine, will be the best preparation to courageously handle the stress and strain of a greater opportunity, which God may someday send."

This was the final paragraph in my devotional on March 17th, and it definitely hit home. I was sharing this the other day with a dear friend of mine. I won't speak for her but I feel this paragraph's emotion with every day that goes by in my present circumstance. I hate being restless and being told to have patience. And the constant waiting for something to happen has got me at my wit's end. But here I am, in the waiting room, waiting, waiting, waiting.

The theme of the past 7 months since returning from Korea has been, "to wait." Have I done it without complaining, nope. Have I done it with great and excited expectation in what is to come, absolutely not. Have I been obedient to the Lord and been a willing participant in His divine plan for my life, I am sorry to say I have not.

I try to convince myself that God's timing is perfect. That He is preparing a way for me that will be beyond my expectations. I have tried to be an encouragement to others that are going through the same predicament while on the inside I have been so impatient and dealing with a bad internal attitude. And the branches of my inner turmoil can be described by the following: my heart is starting to wrestle with my mind and override my logic. 

The same friend I spoke of above suggested that I read chapters 6, 7, and 8 in Romans. As I was reading through these passages my soul began to resonate. I can identify with the raging storm that was going through dear Paul's entire body. Why, because I was dealing with the same battle, am still fighting through the same battle, and will continue to do so until I reach some sort of breakthrough.

To say that I am frustrated would be a sorry understatement. There are times where I feel like I am beating my head against a brick wall as I continue to struggle with the wait. Where is my joy? Where is my peace? Where can I find solace? I try to muster up as much faith as I can to keep on marching forward but I always manage to come up short. I fall into old habits and find myself trudging through the mud of sin, sometimes the tar of sin, only to find myself dirty, sticky, and tired.

The answer to my questions is simple, I must continue to struggle. I am supposed to wrestle with this problem, probably for the rest of my life. It may come in a different package, but trials make me stronger and it develops my character. And these trials will continue to come as long as I hold onto God. Allow me to share the following visual:  A friend of mine once described trials in regards to those role playing video-games that many, including myself, enjoy. The first enemy in these games that you come across are always goblins. When you first face them, it takes many hits to defeat them because your skill level is like on level 1. You hit the goblin, the goblin hits you back, and it goes on and on for several returns. Eventually throughout the game your skill level goes up so that when you go back and have to face that same goblin, or his little video-game kin, you manage to whip his little digital butt with one hit.

It's like that in life as well. When we first face a trial or tribulation, it poses quite the daunting task. We swipe at it constantly until it is eventually put to rest. While later on in life when the same trial presents itself, we are better equipped to handle the dilemma and make short work of it.

So here I am in the Waiting Room. I am trying to muster up what little faith I still have left to me after internally beating myself up over my mistakes. I am doing my best to cling onto the hope that I have because I know somewhere deep within my core that God Will Come Through. Where is my proof? Well my proof is that He has never, ever let me down before. As many times as I have fallen I have always gotten back up. I did not do that on my own. There is no way I could be here today if it weren't for His hand in my life. Sometimes God's plans are difficult, but those difficulties produce the best fruit.

And here's the irony: Lord God, thank You for this suffering. Thank You, because despite my kicking and screaming, You are here with me now. And You do have something far better for me than anything that I could ever imagine. 

The Magic of Music

Isn't it amazing how music can change or enhance our moods? I was recently reading on one of my favorite news sites about how famous Japanese celebrities are creating songs for those that were affected by the earthquakes. One of my favorite composers, Yoko Kanno, had written something for the victims and had posted it online. It sounded raw or uncut and direct from the heart.

I love music and the moods that it creates. I am listening to Adele's new album as I write this blog. And as I drift off with the music I can feel incredible emotion from her songs. I am so grateful for music and that God allowed me to use this ability to communicate some of my deepest desires, regrets, and even joys. I have used song to pray before as it allows my soul to communicate more effectively those things which I couldn't quite put into words.

I think the gift of tongues could also fall into a musical category. Please pardon me for opening up a can of worms here but even though I associate myself with the Baptist community, I am a firm believer in the gift of tongues. I have prayed in tongues before, but I find it much better to sing in tongues. My soul seems to totally release itself of all the hard and deep troubles attached to it when I utter melodic tongues. Which brings me back to my favorite composer, Yoko Kanno.

Ms. Kanno has been known to create songs that have no known language attached to them. These songs of hers have no translation except to be translated possibly by the soul and ears of the listener. I am not sure whether she would call herself a Christian but I know what her music says to me. She creates music from the heart and it forms a type of magic that cannot be explained in ordinary language.    

Prayer and Continual Prayer

Yesterday's church service, 3-13-2011, was on prayer and the need for the church to do more of it. It was rather encouraging to see so many people from my grandmother's church go to the front of the sanctuary because they wanted to focus more on prayer.

My heart goes out to the people of Japan. If anyone needs prayer, it is them. So many deaths and homes without electricity and water, their lives are just turned upside down. I am so glad that many people have stepped up to aid them in the relief efforts, but for those of us who can't help physically, we can at least help prayerfully.

I am reminded about past and current times when prayer has been the only thing I could do. I would not be where I am today without the prayers of so many individuals. There have been many dark seasons of my soul where I could not do a thing. I was a mess. I remember times where I just had to ask God to help me in dealing with situations that I had no control of. I am in one of those places now. I need a job and I need God to come through on a long term direction for the future. And I believe He will. Why, because He always has and I know He always will.

An important element of prayer is faith. So where does my faith come from? Mostly from experience. I have trusted God with little things and He has answered. I have trusted Him with big things, like previous jobs, and He has provided. When I was so sad or lonely, He was there to comfort me.

But I realize that prayer is not always about presenting my needs to Him. It is about communication. It is the main way I can talk to Him. I can be thankful for all that He has given and done on my behalf and on behalf of those around me. Prayer is also a way that I can stand at intercession for someone else. Which brings me back to Japan.

Those poor people need intercession right now. They need those of us who call ourselves the church to come together in mind, heart, and spirit to offer up requests to God. There are not many Christians in Japan at all and I fear that it may even have several principalities within its borders. A principality has to do with spiritual regions which are controlled by certain dark spirits. Usually when we send missionaries over there, they come in direct contact with these spirits and let's just say these spirits don't like their regions to be intruded upon by Christians. I have firsthand experience in this matter but I will save that for another time.

My hope is that the Christians and other relief contributors are not impeded in their tasks. So please, continue to lift up your prayers for Japan. Prayer warriors are some of the most powerful in the world. What a mighty God we serve!