Korea: Aftermath

Having lived in a foreign country for the past 7 years, re-culture shock has been one of the hardest things to deal with. There are quite a few things that I miss about my foreign home. One is the ability to be completely surrounded by people and having my friends be in close proximity. In fact, I think this has been the most difficult problem I have faced since coming back to the US.

I made some of the best friends of my life over in South Korea. Who would have thought that by leaving my home country I would end up making friends from all over the world! To me, Korea can be like a hub of sorts. It is a very transitional place. You have a community of ex-pats, myself included, who have all come from abroad to either study, work and make money, or just start life anew. Goodbyes were not easy either. It seemed like at the end of every year I would have to say goodbye to dear friends. However, God always seemed to bring a fresh new batch of friends for me to get to know. I do not ever want to use the word "replace" because none of my pals could ever be "replaced."

I had the opportunity to grow with these individuals, and by doing so I got to see a whole other side of myself and what makes a relationship. I admit that I could be a very selfish and proud person. I like to get my way. We all have our faults. It just felt like I grew into an adult of sorts while abroad. When I went over there my first year I was a mess. I had just graduated college and was searching for adventure. Once I was out on my own, I went hog-wild. I discovered a type of freedom I never had while in university. This freedom led to some things that need not be disclosed so publicly on a blog, but suffice it to say I managed to open Pandora's box. And like dear Pandora, once the box is open it can't be closed. I'll save those stories for a more private blog.

Despite opening the ill-fated box, God had directed me to many people and places of comfort. One such place was Seoul International Baptist Church. It was here that I met some very dear friends who awoke within me the ability to express myself through music and writing. They also helped me to communicate and define and relate to the God who cannot be defined accurately save through the word "love." To say that I miss this church and its community of believers would be an understatement. I have not found a place like it since. But it takes time, and I think God has some things He wants to work out with me on a more individual basis. I am just a stubborn learner.

God has orchestrated such a wondrous song within my heart. I wish I could define what that is and how it works so that others can experience what I have inside me. But that isn't how He works. He works with us on an individual basis because we are all such unique creatures. This was yet another lesson that I learned while in Korea. There are seasons that we all have to go through in life. I went through many a season overseas. I feel as though right now I am in between the winter and spring season of my life. It is such a difficult time because I do indeed want to grow and produce fruit that will last, but the winter snows have yet to melt from my heart. The sky of my soul is still dark and overcast with the winter clouds. But I know that in my heart, the sun is just behind those clouds and a new day will come once this season has passed.

I have many ideals and goals for the future. One such goal is to join the US Army. I have many secret desires about wanting to join. I am hoping that it will lead me back to Korea and some of the friends still left there. And another reason is because I want to help people. I know that in the Army there are dark seasons that the soldiers work through. Sometimes it gets so dark for them that the only way they can ease their suffering is to end their lives completely. I want to help east that pain by being there for them. I want to show them that life is worth living and with the passing of time, the seasons will change and spring will come again one day. And yes, I want to grow with them and go through what they go through. I want them to see life and embrace it as the gift that it truly is.

I wrote this blog for a very special person. Someone who encourages me from afar. She is a great writer and she wants to create for God and be obedient to Him. She was over in Korea for a long time and had to readjust to life in the US just as I am currently trying to do. So the message for both of us I think is as follows: God sees what we are doing. He sees us trying, failing, trying again, failing again. But our constant struggle to get back up, brush ourselves off and try, try again because we know there is something better waiting for us, He sees all of that and loves us all the more for it. I have not quite grasped the whole letting Him take control aspect of my life, but as all things in life, it just takes time.

In the immortal words of Dory (sorry, EG) the fish from "Finding Nemo," "just keep swimming, swimming, swimming."