...but simply compressed anxiety."
This quote jumped out at me today from Streams in the Dessert. The preceding sentences are just as memorable, "There is a perfect passivity that is not laziness. It is a living stillness born of trust."
I am not a quiet person. I suppose I can be when needed. But to be truly quiet and at rest in the soul, that is a near impossible act. However, it is one that must be practiced in order for change to occur. The old saying, "you will have to drag me kicking and screaming...," in order for me to do such and such, plays its part in my life from time to time. I just wonder if all the fuss is worth it in the end. I am almost sure there is a hard way and an easy way to accomplish things in all manners of life. And while looking for the easy way I almost always tend to lean towards the more difficult of the two. Especially in matters of the heart and spirit.
Take for instance this week's life lesson and how God used it, and is still trying to use it, for His ultimate good. This past Sunday I was going somewhere I probably shouldn't have been going. A place where my heart and spirit would more than likely end up regretting the intended purpose of my rebelliousness. What do you suppose happened not more than a couple miles from my starting point? That's right, you guessed it. My car's brakes go out. So there I am, on the interstate highway in the left lane no less, and my brake lines in the rear of my vehicle decide its the best place to fizzle out. So I work my way over to the right lane to get off at the next exit. I am doing my best to stay at a decent space behind any vehicles in front of me so as not to hit them. I eventually get back to my point of departure and have to take the car to the mechanic's in the morning.
Now what do you think was my first thought as I am trying to get back and then again when I walk in the door? That obviously God Himself did not want me to go to wherever it was that I was going. And He was willing to do whatever it took to get me from achieving my desired deed. For the naysayers out there, I am sure the brakes might have gone out eventually, and it just happened to be a coincidence that they went out on this particular endeavor of mine. You, dear naysayer, would be wrong because you are stupid. Those brakes could have gone out when I was much farther from home. They could have bit the dust when I would be potentially on my way across the country in unfamiliar territory, say downtown Atlanta or Chattanooga. Or worse yet, when someone besides myself was in the car driving.
I want to touch on a few things before going any further. Stupidity is doing something you know you shouldn't where as ignorance is not knowing at all that what you are doing is foolish. And coincidences don't happen in this life. All things happen with and for a purpose. We may not see that purpose at the time, but eventually all will be revealed.
With my car in the shop this week I have been pretty much left to accomplish most of my tasks from my aunt's home. But I still feel that I have not made the best of my time. Yes, I have looked for jobs and yes, I have worked out, but what of eternal value have I accomplished? Have I thought of others before myself? Have I tended to my Master's sheep? Have I filled my own cup so that through the overflow I can aid in the advancement of others and the kingdom itself? Sad to say, the answers to that are no, no, and no.
Which brings me back to today's lesson and these words:
"O rest, in utter quietude of soul,
Abandon words, leave prayer and praise awhile;
Let your whole being, hushed in His control,
Learn the full meaning of His voice and smile.
Not as an athlete wrestling for a crown,
Not taking Heaven by violence of will;
But with your Father as a child sit down,
And know the bliss that follows His 'Be Still!!'" excerpt from Mary Rowles Jarvis
Though I have been racked with anxiety in my present condition, I am as yet being told to, "Be still, and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10). Drowning out the voices of the mind and one's surroundings can prove quite the daunting task. And yet that is what I am required to do. I am frustrated with my situation and it causes me to become easily irked with the people whose intentions are to help me out. A darkness looms within me that only God's piercing light can penetrate. So rather than take the hard way out, I think that today I would like to listen to the "still small voice" (1 Kings 19:12) and wait upon the Lord. It is not going to be easy, but it beats the alternative. The alternative would be to do it my way and man's way and end up worse off than when I started.
As for the lesson learned in the story of the brakes, it was God trying to protect my heart from more heartache and suffering. God truly does have our best interest at heart. When you are suffering and nothing seems to be going right, take the opportunity to stop what you are doing and focus on God. It may be a difficult trial, but do your best to quiet your soul and know that God is right there in the midst of your chaos and working things in accordance to His divine timing to not only bring you out of it, but to make you stronger and more dependent on Him.
I want to pray today. I want to ask that God meets me where I am and to meet those that are also suffering. May His Holy Spirit comfort you and guide you on this journey. May His light shine through the stupidity that I know I get myself into from time to time. But I ask that we allow His wisdom to come in and truly set us free. Amen. Be blessed today and know that you are a work of art.
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