The Fool and The Victor

In light of today's date, I thought the title seemed appropriate. I find it rather comforting that each day I open up my daily devotional, "Streams in the Dessert," it always applies to whatever I am going through. And today's message was no different. I have been struggling with wondering what I should be doing next. I currently have a goal in mind and am doing my best to work towards it. I tend to have a one-track mind and when I get focused on something, I push other things aside, no matter how important they may be.

I asked God the other day what I should be doing. "What must I 'do,' Lord, what must I 'do!'" His response to my heart, and much to my frustration, was to, "be still and know I am God." Over and over again, be still, be still, be still...

And the devotional today was more of the same. The streams for today spoke of a ship in a storm. And here is an excerpt:
     "Sometimes, like Paul, you cannot see the sun or the stars to help you navigate when the storm is bearing down on you. This is when you can do only one thing, for there is only one way. Reason cannot help you, past experiences will shed no light, and even prayer will bring no consolation. Only one course remains: you must put your soul in one position and keep it there.
     You must anchor yourself steadfastly upon the Lord. And then, come what may-whether wind, waves, rough seas, thunder, lightning, jagged rocks, or roaring breakers-you must lash yourself to the helm, firmly holding your confidence in God's faithfulness, His covenant promises, and His everlasting love in Christ Jesus."  Richard Fuller

I am struggling right now and I know there are others who are in the same situation, or maybe even worse. I try to find reason during these times and there aren't any. Like the passage said, I try to rely on past experiences but come up short. I want to be somewhere else, doing what it is I am supposed to be doing. But here's the kicker, I am where I am supposed to be right now, here in this moment. Am I doing all that I can? Some people would beg to differ, but the truth of the matter is the answers are all the same. "Be still." But I hate being still. "Wait on the Lord." But I hate waiting.

By not waiting, I play the Fool. Pushing and pushing, complaining and dealing with frustration. Constantly moving and beating my head up against the wall, when really what I should be "doing" is waiting with faithful and hopeful expectation that God will indeed come through for me. Faith is believing in the fulfillment of God's promises, no matter how long it may seem to take. Faith is knowing that just because I don't see God or feel God, He is still right next to me orchestrating His grand scheme in my favor, but ultimately in His favor.

Faith is also this, and I truly believe this. I am able to wake up everyday and take in air. The air I breathe, the air you breathe-it is literally, figuratively, metaphorically, but above all, realistically- the Breath of God. There is only ONE reason I or anyone else is alive today. That is this, God has a purpose for your life. He has a purpose for my life. I can choose to believe that there is no God, that the Bible is a useless book of outdated rules and lies, and go on living life in what I would eventually create as my own personal Hell. Which that is a facet of Hell I might add, separation from God. Or, I can stand on the promises that the Bible speaks of. I can reflect on the "hell" that God has brought me out of, and I can cling to the truth that is reality and undisputed. God is real, He sent His Son to die on a cross for my sins. He came to change me from a Fool to a Victor. And all that He asks, so insignificant if I think about it, is to flipping WAIT and BE STILL.

One of the many blessings that God has granted me is the ability to choose. And recently I have chosen to not wait and not still my heart. The fruit/consequence of that choice is frustration and doubt. But what if I decide to wait? Will God come through for me? That's where faith comes in. Give the Lord an inch and He takes you on the journey of a lifetime.

I have come a long way in my journey. I have met some really wonderful people. I have been in worse situations than the one I am currently in. But in spite of all the hardships and victories, God has been the pillar that has kept me supported through it all. The dark times of my soul where I have lashed out at Him, cursed at Him, berated Him for not seemingly coming through for me, He took it all in. Why, because He is big enough to handle it. So is it too much to ask for me to wait on Him and be still when He has already done so much for me?

I would say that it is time to stop playing the Fool and start being the Victor.